Tuesday, September 1, 2015

day 16

Walk towards the future. Finish off goals. That is the way to go.   There may be bumps along the way, there may be things that try to stop you from reaching the goal. But in the big scheme of things its only you who can stop you from reaching your goals.

day 15

I can not wait to finish my 2 Diplomas. two goals ticked off  It will be like saying "yes I did it!" and wanting to shout it to the world or jump off a  big diving board.  Being the not very exciting person , I am i will most likely celebrate with some cake or something.

Next after that, I will set more goals and work towards those.   Ticking each off as I go.

I do it all for these guys:

day 14

I love books , books are like an escape. An escape to another world. Another time.   You can lose yourself in a book.
When reality beckons, you can put the book down until another time, and pick up from where you last left off.

These days as a mum of 4, I do not read as much books as I used too. I used to read Shakespeare and books filled with vampires.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

day 13

which way to go

Asking myself for direction
searching for answers
planning goals
wanting a path
lusting for predictability

I'm 30 next year
I'm a mum, a sister, a daughter
a friend
who am I ?
All those words, labels meaningless when erased.

who am I?
I am me.
I am Jess,

Day 12

I think of the Katy Perry Song "Firework".

Too often people are ashamed of being their true selves. Scared of what others may think. Scared of  rejection.

Be true to you, Be yourself.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

day 11: stars

I often don't tell people how I feel about them,  or that I am proud etc. I  am working on that. Eventually I will get there.

The brightest star  I ever knew, never knew he was a bright star.  He  didn't know how bright he shone. He under estimated how bright  he shone.

He was my brother.

I have blogged many times about him. He'd honestly be saying "jess quit telling everyone how awesome i was and get a hobby" haha

The thing is, this bright star stopped shining 8 years ago.  He never saw his 18th birthday.

He became a sad statistic, one of many young people that year to end their life.
I am not ashamed of how he passed away, I just wish he knew
Source: http://www.slideshare.net/ghissu/teen-suicide-11400562

Where to get help:

Lifeline Australia  13 11 14
beyond Blue  1300 22 4636
your local GP
how bright he shone.

day 10 : Music

day 9

Photo from 2012: Alistair's birth.
I often think the greatest moments of luminosity are when I have faced , things I am afraid of.
One of the biggest things I struggle with, is  events that are out of my control.  For example when I had to have a csection with my fourth child, it was an unavoidable event that I couldn't control (thanks to grade 4 placenta previa) it scared me.
But that feeling afterwards,  it was like a "yes I did it" and i felt like I could take on the world because I did it.

day 8

Don't give up.  Let their jaws drop when they see , you proved them wrong.  Watch them eat their words.
They never believed in you and wanted to watch you fail.
Because they, don't want to see anyone succeed , they are too lazy to attempt anything new or change things. So they want everyone to fail.

In my teenage years, my family never came to award ceremonies, even though I was the straight A student and school came very easy to me.  I never heard the words " I am proud of you" be uttered from my parent's mouths. I used to tell myself, if i worked that bit harder , if I got that award, maybe just maybe they'd be proud.

Then one day I realised,
 I needed to do things to make ME proud of ME.

Friday, August 21, 2015

day 7

We have so many trees around our home it is really all I can see when I open up the curtains.  This photo is my youngest son   (3 yr old) Alistair hugging one of the trees.  He hasn't yet mastered the art of climbing trees.

The trees are great in summer, it keeps my house nice and cool so there is no need for an air con.  They attract lots of birds, so i often hear birds near my bedroom window.  I live in the suburbs too not the bush.

day 6

I like sunsets, the colours mix into one another like a big artwork.  I often look forward to night time because it is the boy's bedtime drawing closer.

There is something beautiful about sitting on the deck at sunset  with a glass of wine, as the evening ends. The world rushes by while I sit and enjoy the moment.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

day5: Light

Sometimes, when I look back I think holy crap how did i make it through?  Somehow I just did.  I just sailed the storm that life dealt me. Eventually,the light does shine through the darkness and it is smooth sailing.
Sometimes, stuff does seem like you won't make it through, that it is easier to give up. But you don't and then one day you look back and think "i'm glad i didn't".

day 4: shadows

Do I look back and pretend to look  fondly?  
Do i build a time machine? 
I can't go back
I won't
The shadows once were my home
The darkness is not were I belong. 

We sit
We pretend everything is perfect
Illusions never change into reality

Shadows see and watch
they talk

Monday, August 17, 2015

Day 3 August Moon : Gloom

The day I said goodbye to you, though I didn't realise it was a final goodbye,  was gloomy. It was raining, the clouds were dark, I could hear thunder.  We hugged like usual. Said our goodbyes.
But something didn't seem right this time.
Something was missing. We both felt it, the void, we remained silent.

I watched you , walk away. Silently.
Never to hear from you again.

We walk two different paths now, never crossing paths despite mutual friends. 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

August Moon : Day 2...my fears

Illusions create walls,
Never letting anyone in.
Locked away in the bell tower.

Then, you came.
You braved the obstacles to the tower,
tried to save me.
Save me from myself.

I  let you in my tower,
I listened.
You pleaded.
You begged.
I followed.

Then you fooled me.

The tower called my name,
I locked myself away.

I don't want to be like you.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

August Moon Day 1

Sometimes, I think when we get lost in the darkness, we forget who we are. We forget or lose our way.  Sometimes, I find myself falling back into that darkness, the pit of despair and negativity.  Sometimes, it seems too hard to get out of that pit.
I have thought  it was too hard , ready to give up.
I started trying to make amends to those I hurt at some point, but some question it.

I guess I am a work in progress.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Day 1 of the School Holidays...Ice Skating

It is day 1 of the school holidays and I had a lapse of insanity. I thought it would be fun, to take the boys to the Ice Skating rink.  Mr 10 yr old decided he wanted to opt out of Ice Skating and spent 20 mins playing/chasing Mr almost 3 yr old.
Mr almost 9 yr old provided a countdown right down to the second, every minute... He was looking forward to it . Mr almost 7yr old, threw several tantrums at the lack of movement in the line and how it was taking too long.

Mr almost 9 and Mr almost 7yrs both landed on their bottoms a few times , but they had a blast.  They had never been Ice skating before an have concluded they want to try it again at a bigger rink.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

No sleep ...and brownies

Tyson with his Brownies
The tiny one's sleep is no better lately, cold & flu season seems to have hit hard in the house.  I can not smell right now.

Tyson made brownies recently, they had beetroot in them (yes I know beetroot sounds weird but they taste pretty awesome)
Rich beetroot Chocolate brownies
Tyson will be going back to school next term, we are hoping it is a smooth transition. He is looking forward to cooking with his year level. His year level has a vegetable garden and they use the produce to cook in the kitchen.

Cody has been lucky enough to join a ASD study with the local children's hospital and research institute.So for the next, 4-6 months he will be monitored. He found it really weird to do the spit genetic tests.  He had a excellent mid year report.

Charlie, has started working with an Occupational Therapist,  Speech therapist& councilor . He has really taken a shine to them. He also had a great mid year school report.

Little Alistair, recently had to go to hospital  but has been in good spirits otherwise.  I can't believe he will be 3 soon. I have been busy organising his 3 year old preschool enrolment for next year. 

Slowly, I am getting through my 2 diplomas. I have RPL credits getting processed  for my Education Support Diploma. I have a to do list a mile long, for things I need to organise for next term. I think I will need a personal assistant or something!

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Preschool ebook : Teaching Mama

Disclaimer: This Post contains affiliate links.

Recently I came across an awesome  E-book called The Preschool Journey.
Blogger Teaching Mama has put this E-book together. It covers everything from  :
* what to expect in a preschool and what is covered topic wise
* How to teach preschool at home
26 weeks of lesson plans centered around alphabet letters. The plans include an alphabet letter craft, games, hands-on activities, and a list of books to read with each letter
*Curriculum for an entire preschool year (for ages 2.5-5)

For a preview of this E-Book click here: 

To purchase this E-Book for $6.99   Click here to visit Teaching Mama.

I quite like this book and will use it to  cover preschool years with my youngest son.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Fussy Eater Part 1

Mr Almost 3 years old, is a character.  Up until recently, it seemed he survived on air.
Then I saw Reese Witherspoon sum up how toddlers eat (well refuse to eat)
Check it out here it is funny.

Lately, My midget Dictator has taken to screaming his meal orders, his orders appear to be in either another language or he is making up words as he goes.

 This scene plays out pretty much daily:

"Beybrade fast breybrade fast!" he screams  whilst sprinting around the house, naked. (where are his clothes? he had clothes on about 2 minutes ago?!)

I manage to stop him , in his tracks. It is  stand off between us. We do the  sideways shuffle to see who can make an escape. I quickly grab him  as he attempts to make a run for it.

"are you hungry? where are your clothes?" I ask.
"clothes gone. Pants gone. " he replies.
So eventually, I understand that he has decided he would like some cereal.  I prepare  him a bowl and then sit him down, to eat.

He stares at it. He stares long and hard at this  bowl of cereal.

Then, he  pushes it away.  "Me no like this" he announces.
So I ask him , if he would like toast or fruit or yoghurt.
"No not hungry" He replies.

I attempt to entice him to eat some yoghurt. He shakes his head, saying "no". I try to feed him, myself in an attempt to get him to eat something. This kid has the moves of a ninja, he moves at the speed of light and dodges the spoon.  Somehow I am wearing most of the yoghurt & he is naked again...

30 minutes later, I find him in the cupboard. Eating sultanas...

Then, it was lunchtime.   I give him a sandwich, he sniffs it. Then licks it.  "me no like this sammich" He announces then throws it across the room.

While he naps, I plot to somehow  get food into him.  I imagine a slingshot and think, of how I can aim some food into him as he sprints by.  I think about how I could make pictures with his food, maybe that will work.

Did I mention, I am meant to hide his iron supplements in his food? Yes Somehow his pediatrician thinks, this task will be an easy task. I have concluded I need to hide his supplements inside some chocolate balls. I mean, who doesn't like chocolate? This kid could work for customs the way he can detect chocolate that I hide. 
My plan for today is to make some Milo Balls (recipe here).  He normally has his supplements after dinner. I will Post about if he eats them later tonight (or earlier in the morning).

*To Be Continued*

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Sleep? What's that?

Ask any parent, when was the last time they had a great night's sleep and many will look at you like you are either crazy or just plain stupid.  For me, I think the last time I got a great night's sleep was 10 years ago...

Fast forward to present day, where the older 3 boys go off to bed around the same time. (High 5 mum for that one!)  Which leaves me to contend with the stubborn  almost 3 year old who seems to leave all his energy to be expelled during the hours of 10pm and 1am...
The best way to describe is he is like Hammy from Over the Hedge...

So last night, after having all my energy sucked out of me by the energy sucking almost 3 year old. I am convinced he is like a death eater from Harry Potter.  I decided to attempt, getting  this hyperactive dictator into his bed at 9:30pm.

By 10pm, I had put him in to his bed 100+ times.
"It's night time, Time for sleep now" I pleaded.
"No! me play! *insert yawn*" announced the dictator as he jumped on his bed...

I read him, his favourite story 10 times, as he yawns.
Awesome, he will be asleep soon, I think.
I was wrong.

I attempt to get him back into bed after he escapes the room 8 times. Where does this little Death eater get his energy from?  Has he been in to the coffee?

Then, he announces he is tired.  It is 12pm.

I crawl into my bed with him, I am too tired to keep trying to chase him around the house.  Within 15 minutes, he is snoring, smack bang in the middle of my bed, spread out like a star fish.

Do I dare move him and risk waking up this angelic looking Death Eater?

I decide not to move him, out of fear I will end up falling asleep on the floor of his bedroom, whilst he jumps on me.

You win, this round, Mr almost 3 year old.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

April moon day 15

Day 15 Prompt:

I wish I could be a better friend better person.
Better sister.
Connect more with others.

But at the same time, I see why some people fine it hard to connect with me. What their barriers are. I am hoping to help them overcome their barriers so they can connect more.

I wish to travel the world , see new things, see new places. Meet new people. If i had my way I would be a Nomad and travel the world forever , never stopping, just living out of a suitcase,

I wish everyone could be happy.

Friday, April 17, 2015

April moon Day 12-14

Day 12 Prompt:

The best part of my day is bed time. I get to wind down and catch up on tv
shows I watch when the boys are in bed. And then I get to go to bed relaxed.

I love watching Sunsets. So when I am at a beachside place, that becomes the best part of my day.

Day 13 Prompt:

  Sometimes I wonder If I will ever make my parents proud. They never came to any award ceremonies or any of my performances when I was a teen.

I continue my studies now , whilst juggling  being a mum of 4 boys and homeschooling one of them.

Sometimes, I wonder If i will ever make it to Europe and do the bucket list I came up with , years ago while mucking around with my now deceased brother, Aaron.


Day 14 Prompt:

I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, clean water and my children are healthy and happy.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

April Moon Day 10 &11

Day 10 Prompt:

I feel the urge to cook or bake a zillion things. I enjoy baking the most.  Today I am baking banana oat muffins, double choc zucchini muffins, anzac biscuits & vegetable slice.  That is all for school lunches. Cody & Charlie start back at school today.

I have started using a lunch box planner to make sure , their lunches are balanced. I got the free Lunch box planner from here.

Today, they took:
1/2 an orange cut into wedges
1/4 cup of red grapes
a small piece of vegetable slice
                                                      2 anzac biscuits
                                                       Celery & Cucumber sticks
                                                       Yoghurt pouch
                                                      Ham & cheese sandwich

Day 11 Prompt:

There is a few things.  I do not often talk about  things that upset me. I guess I just learnt to guard myself as a child. When  I was a foster kid.

Other things I try not to talk about are things I know will upset someone I am talking too.

I just like to not have those overly deep conversations, I get uncomfy with it.

I also won the April moon giveaway from Kat McNally's website. I had no idea there was a give away happening but gosh I feel lucky now.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

April Moon day 9 & muffins

Day 9 Prompt:

"You will need a blood test" or "This will only sting a tiny bit". I have this dread when it comes to needles. I dislike them, I can't watch them go in.

I also hate when people will be late. I dislike lateness.

I also get tense when I have to go see the dentist... dentists and needles are two things I am not fond of hahha

I don't like being the one who has to give speeches or some type of presentation.  I get stage fright to a degree.

Double Choc Zucchini Muffins
Recipe adapted from one found at Taste Of the Home
TOTAL TIME: Prep: 15 min. Bake: 20 min.
Makes 12 muffins


  • 1-1/2 cups Self raising flour
  • 1/2 cup sugar or stevia
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 egg, lightly beaten
  • 1/2 cup vegetable oil or coconut oil 
  • 1/4 cup milk
  • 1 tablespoon lemon juice
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 cup grated  zucchini
  • 1/4 cup  chocolate chips
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder


In a bowl, combine flour, cocoa,  sugar, baking soda, cinnamon and salt.

 Combine the egg, oil, milk, lemon juice and vanilla; mix well.

 Stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. 

Fold in zucchini & chocolate chips .

Fill greased or paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full.

 Bake at 180°C  for 20-25 minutes or until muffins test done

These freeze pretty well too.